Alternately titled: The Time I Sneezed Twice and Peed a Little.
Friday was a mess. It was delays and tears. I was supposed to be flying out at 7:30 to arrive home in my bed with a cup of tea in hand watching the latest Celebrity Apprentice, but instead found myself three and a half hours delayed chatting with criminals and drinking over priced margaritas.
I had just gotten through security when I checked my phone and saw that my flight had been yet again delayed. I attempted to talk to the gate attendant, but he flat out ignored me as I must have been wearing my invisibility cloak. My grumbling stomach informed me that it was long overdue to whet its appetite, so I decided this was the moment that I was going to call Spirit Airlines with a showcase of my expletive vocabulary. Anyone who knows me knows that hungrier I get the looser I am with my any aspect of social politeness and etiquette. Happily for some poor call room attendant there was a 30 minute wait. So, I continued on my quest for sustenance and found salvation at Terminal 3 Gate G10 Chili’s Too. (I’m quite uncertain why the “too” is a part of the name.)
After some melancholy texts to a friend and tweets of the same, my face lost control of itself and proceeded to do my least favorite activity known as public crying. Luckily, the patrons of Chili’s Too neither noticed or cared. I drowned my sorrows (literally) in a big ass margarita and BBQ bacon cheeseburger.
I did this whilst reading a chick lit book on my kindle and receiving hilarious tweets from @schanlon1 who was helping me see the bright side of things.
My waiter brought me another BAM (big ass margarita -copyright pending) in a to go cup because they were closing up. I was much more cheerful and filled with giggles as I strolled through the terminal holding a BAM in a plastic cup in a coffee cup with a straw.
I then discovered the sleeping quarters in the terminal:
A board of delayed or canceled flights propelled me to consider that it wasn’t the fault of my crappy low fare airline, but in fact some widespread issue that no one thought to communicate to the hoards of people milling about.
I managed to find an outlet to plug in my now dying phone in a back corner where they stored the wheelchairs. Apparently someone saw me and thought “that’s a girl that can find an outlet” because he followed me and asked to share an outlet with me (which sounds a little dirty) and proceeded to sit in one of the wheelchairs and call his Auntie. I started to feel bad for the guy as his flight to LAX was delayed till 1a and his dad was going through dialysis and couldn’t pick him up (yes, I was totally eavesdropping) and then he mentioned how the criminal charges against him were dropped, but he wasn’t sure if he’d have to pay the fines. I figured we were just sharing an outlet together, but then he wanted to share a conversation despite the fact that I was currently appeasing a candy crush addiction.
It was then time to board my plane old school, outside on the tarmac, as I approached the stairs that would lead me to the top of the plane I resisted the urge to Nixon it upon arrival.
Then finally a little after midnight we landed in Minnesota and my trials and tribulations were over. The rest of the weekend was spent making forts, seeing Iron Man 3 and celebrating the H’s birthday with good friends whom I hadn’t seen in awhile; pizza, games and the acquisition (but not my personal consumption) of copious amounts of alcohol. For the H’s birthday on Sunday we celebrated with BBQ at his parents and opening a bottle of Dom Perignon, which I thought tasted no better than the $20 bottles of champagne I buy, but perhaps my palette isn’t sophisticated enough.
How was your weekend? Anyone have any great flight/airport stories?
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